Been So Long

Assalamu'alaikum Dear All.

Indeed.

It has been so long.

I was triggered.

To check a weblink.

That I kept here.

Found it.

And I lingered.

I saw that most have left.

Their 'houses'.

Since years.

Some are no longer accessible.

I miss them.

IbuSham. MakPiah. Blu4Sky.

Sad.

Last link. Khairul Abdullah.

His last post yesterday.

Alhamdulillah.

The virtual world still has its bridge.

Presence

Assalamu'alaikum.

The deadened heart is that which no longer has presence.

Vanity needs mirror.

Arrogance needs another person.

To get out of delusional state we utter
everything in every instances.

We must learn how to respond appropriately.

Tribulation sabr patient.
Blessing gratitude reminder to pull you back.

To be a conscious human being created at the door of infinity - the death.
All the roads lead to death but only one leads to good death.
And thats' the way of Ihsan.

The concept of the wayfarer.

People of stillness. People of presence.
The response to fanaticism and zealotry is sakinah. This is Allah's gift. And the heart should be opened.

God is closer to us than our own consiousness.

May Allah SWT give us taufiq and hidayah.
BarakaAllah feekum.

Memo: The above are notes I jotted directly for the blog, as I listened to a syarah that I have now forgotten by whom. I must have been distracted by something else. And the notes remain in draft since ages. I saw them as I was scrolling down the blog posts. And it touched my heart again. And as usual good moments are best shared. The notes are just keywords. I hope they make sense to the readers as they do to me. It's been a long time. Life remains complex. Allah SWT is our Protector and Helper.

The Search. Day 3

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Dari Allah Ta'ala kita datang. KepadaNya juga kita kembali. Syukur atas segala nikmat dan rahmatNya. Sabar atas segala dugaan. Semoga kehidupan yang singkat memberi manfa'at kepada yang lain.

Camelia Memory for Adik Yang Jauh.

Been away for awhile. Alhamdulillah. Syukur. Banyak. Successfully defended the Thesis. 15 May 2018.

Remembering friends who were with me. While burning the midnight oil.

Thank you. Dear Ibu Sham 

Thank you. Dear Blu4sky

Thank you. Dear Mak Piah

Blessed be to all.

~`~

The Search. Day 3. April 3 2018. Tuesday.

Let me talk about the hotel first. 

Somehow hotel and me work well together.

Hotel provides me with the space to quieten down. No clutters. No distractions. I could think better. And dream better.

From Farm Lodge Hotel we took a taxi to Newtown House Hotel. Hayling Island. A short hop away.
And closer to our destination. I asked the taxi man. Whether he lived in the island and was familiar with the area. No unfortunately not.

'It's okay. We will manage. Inshaa Allah'. I said to myself.

Newtown House Hotel. Image: Self.

A 1795 old building turned hotel.
Camelia blooming while some others were still in buds.

The front of the hotel may look compact and solitary.
In reality the hotel has a large area that includes spacious lawn for events especially weddings. Shown below is a model of the entire hotel complex. 

It was a beautiful day. Beautiful weather. When we arrived. Took one look at the camelia.

And I fell in love.

Camelia to welcome us.

We reached early. About 12.00 noon. Check-in was at 2:00 PM.

 It was kind of the reception to check us in early.

We had a family room. A beautiful comfy room. On the first floor overlooking the spacious lawn. All the three of us together.

Alhamdulillah. 

We discussed our next step. We decided to take a short nap, do our solat, and get a taxi to our Adik's address.

I was worried that Adik may no longer be at the address. 

But it was better to know than not knowing. So let's go and pay her a visit. I said to my sister HR and niece HZ.

~`~

By 5:00 PM we did our solat. Booked a taxi. And was ready to go. We were apprehensive. We made doa. I asked for Husband's doa.

As usual I was the quieter among us. I couldn't seem to express my thoughts and feelings verbally. I worry that I should not express my worry to them. I wanted us to be positive at all times. 

Always trusting Allah Ta'ala to help us.

The taxi arrived. And we moved.

~`~

I told our taxi man the address. All set. We moved on. 

The island was charming. Away from the beach. Farms abound. Old English houses. Narrow roads. Simultaneously rural and touristy.

I have checked on Google the location of the address. And slowly guided the Driver along the landmarks.

The houses were named. They had individual names. But no house number. So we asked our Driver to drive slowly so that we could read the house name on both the sides since we were not sure from which direction we were approaching. 

~`~

And then. We found it! The address. Hoping that it was also her house.
 Alhamdulillah.

The gate was open. To a spacious driveway. Our taxi entered. And I alighted.

I went to the front door. Gave the doorbell a push. Once. Pause. Twice. Pause. Three times. No answer.

My sister joined me. We went to the back. Gave the back door a knock. Again. Then again. No answer.

No one seemed to be in.

There was a large garage next to the driveway. Our thoughts were that their cars could be inside the garage.

Our taxi had another assignment and could not wait. Although we would have liked to return to the hotel with the same taxi.

We had explained to him our reason for being there. He wished us the best. He seemed to understand. For he was a stranger himself to the country. Coming all the way from Romania. To earn his living, driving taxi.

~`~

As the taxi moved away. We also moved out of the driveway, crossed the road and stood by the roadside thinking what to do next.

We did not want to be lingering by the house. Our appearance was certainly not local. And I would not want any unfortunate matters arising from our presence in the area.

London was currently on the news for 'hassling Muslims'. Some deaths had been mentioned. That was the reason our Muslim Taxi Drivers had been cautioning us about moving about in public.

With hijab on.

But as always. I trust that Allah Ta'ala will protect us. 

We just have to be careful and not to cause suspicious eyes who were watching us, I was pretty sure, from neighbouring windows, to worry.

My sister and my niece were very much into photo taking. And I had to stop them from doing it openly. Sometimes it was hard for them to understand my caution.

~`~

Standing and getting chilled. I said to my sister. Let me go and enquire from this front neighbour. They might be able to help us.

I left them both by the roadside. And walked gently. It's a long way to the front door. A long driveway. A handsome Mercedes parked along it. Another, less handsome I presume, because I couldn't remember what was it, was parked closer to the house.

 I could sense that I was being watched from the large living room window.

I reached the door. Gave a knock. No doorbell. Only a door knocker. Once. Twice. Thrice.

And waited.

Image: Google.

And then it opened. Alhamdulillah, said my heart.

And a senior gentleman appeared, with countenance quite official and professional. I apologised for disturbing him and introduced myself. I explained that I was looking for ..... (Adik and Husband) and was wondering whether they did indeed live in the house across the road. Yes indeed they were.

  He confirmed.

But they didn't appear to be home. I said. Yes, their cars were normally parked out and they appeared to be away since the past few days. The Gentleman explained. Oh okay thank you very much. I said. Not knowing what else to say. I bid goodbye. I had politely enquired whether he had any mobile contact to Adik or her Husband. To which he regretted to say none.

~`~

I went back to my Sister and Niece and informed them about the neighbour's confirmation, that we were indeed at the correct location.

We decided to go back to the hotel,  to return the next day. Suddenly I thought of leaving a small note of our presence through the neighbour. It would be for Adik to know that we were around and good for the neighbour who was seemingly wary of our intention.

I tore out the centre page from my small 'to do' notebook and wrote a short message. Carefully measuring my words against the apprehension of rejection. Nothing but our love and affection. And that we were presently at the hotel. And waiting. And our telephone numbers.

It was an open note. So that the neighbour could emphatise with us. And deliver the message to Adik or her Husband.

~`~

Slowly. I walked back to the Neighbour. And again. I knocked. I was feeling bad. For disturbing them the second time. 

He opened to my profuse apology. And requested him to pass on my small note to Adik or her Husband. I thanked him quickly and bid goodbye.

I walked quickly to my Sister and Niece and said to them let's move away from there. I did not want anyone to be bothered by us lingering around.

We walked away and reached a church nearby. Called a taxi to pick us up from its driveway.

A most helpful landmark.

~`~

As we settled back in the hotel we thanked Allah Ta'ala for this day. We finally found the address. I did sujud syukur.

Still in my heart I wondered whether we could meet our Adik.

Only Allah Ta'ala could calm my sad heart. 

Trusting Him to lead us to her. 

I informed my Husband. Our Mother. Of our progress. And sought their doa. 

A lot of doa.

That Adik might came over to visit us in the Hotel.

Camelia and Me. Penuh Syukur.

The Search. Day 2

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Southampton. 

April 2 morning from the window of my room. 

Grey Sky, Wet and Cold.

Sister HR and her daughter, my niece, HZ came up to my room. 

We had a light breakfast. 

And discussed our next step.

We came to the UK armed with only an address. Which I found online a few years back. It was a company's address.

But as I searched for more details I was convinced that it was also a house address.

And 

an online contact through an anonymous friend. That has not responded to sent messages for sometimes now.

We informed our Dear Mother of our every step. And we sought her and everybody's du'a. And kind strangers. 

~`~

Niece booked us a hotel online for our next stop.

This time we managed to get a family room. 

The three of us together.

We checked out and booked a taxi.

to 

Portsmouth

~`~

It was about 50 minutes journey. 

Our cab driver was a kind gentleman from Somalia. Who, after our prompting, talked about his life in Britain, his family in Somalia. A daughter in South Korea teaching English.

He talked about us being careful. Because some unfortunate incidents were happening to Muslims in London. He advised us to avoid walking in the street the next few days.

I explained that we were just going from hotel to hotel. 

By Taxi.

He said Inshaa Allah we would be fine.

As we reached our hotel, we sought his du'a. For safe journey and the accomplishment of our search.

~`~

Farmhouse Innlodge, Burfields Road, Portsmouth.

A cosy hotel and warm reception welcomed us.

I was still exhausted from the long flight and nauseating aftermath in the coach.

My sister and niece have been away since 16 March, to Sweden, Norway and the Netherlands. In a group tour hunting for Aurora, the Northern Lights, and emerging Tulips. Hence their arrival from Amsterdam to Southampton.

While I flew in direct from Kuala Lumpur because I had prior commitment.

~`~

We checked in and rested. We decided that we should move to a hotel closer to our destination. Unfortunately Niece has booked this hotel. Still some distance away. I preferred that we should locate ourselves in the locality of our destination. Thinking that local cab drivers would be familiar with the local landmarks and roads. And hoping that we would get to know some Muslim drivers who might even know the area.

Nevertheless, we decided to try to recover as much as we could in this hotel.

Later, ravenous, we booked a taxi and went for dinner at a Muslim restaurant a few miles away.

Again slept like a log till early morning for Fajar.

Watching golfers across the field braving the cold and grey morning.

Alhamdulillah.

For another day. Despite our apprehension. Closer to our destination.

The Search. Day 1

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Where do I begin.

Probably my most distinct memory of her.

The first day of Primary School.

Every child walked to and from school. 

Some distance away from our Ulu Village.

On the way back, walking with my other siblings, she fell and hit her brow on the gravel road. 

A slight scar right across her perfect right eyebrow. 

Was the only reminder of that fall.

My Sweet Little Sister.

Our Pearl

~`~

And years and years later.

Something happened.
No.
 Not just something.
A series of painful and traumatic incidents.

And our Pearl.

Left.

The country for good.

Never to be seen nor heard.

~`~

April 1 2018.

Destination: London

Mission: In Search of Our Lost Pearl.

Depart MH4

Kuala Lumpur-London Sunday 1 April 2018

09:50 Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KUL) Terminal M

16:35 London Heathrow (LHR) Terminal 4

Duration: 13h:45m

Airbus Industrie A350-900

Post flight Coach to the next destination booked.

Hotel booked.

~`~

I was slightly unwell. 

Packed with remedies from the Pharmacy I departed. 

I took a couple of Paracetamols to prepare for the takeoff and landing. 

Previous extremely painful experience during these two processes when I was sick has taught me well.

And prayers, zikr.  As Husband kept reminding me before departure.

~`~

It has been many years since I was in a West Midlands' University in the UK.

It did feel like another homecoming.

A nostalgia of sorts.

But most importantly. 

I was apprehensive whether I could accomplish what I intended to do.

For Our Dear Mother.

For our Lost Pearl.

For all of us. The family.

~`~

Alhamdulillah.

Reached London on time.  

Sleeping throughout most of the journey since I did not sleep a wink the night before.

And I am not too young anymore for this long haul flight.

After a long queue and plenty of immigration polite queries, I moved on.

A nephew and his family kindly received me. 

Nephew was Husband's Sister's Son.

Nephew sorted out my communication needs. And set me on my booked coach to my next destination.

Southampton.

Departure: Heathrow Airport (T4) Arrivals Forecourt

Sunday, April 1, 2018 7:15 PM

Arrival: Southampton Coach Stn, Harbour Parade,

Sunday, April 1, 2018 9:15 PM.

Another 2 hrs. On the National Express.

~`~

I am never the one for coaches or buses. Nausea is a big issue. Hence why favourite public transport is the train. It is my transport of choice since my residential school days, travelling up and down Seremban-Bukit Mertajam-Seremban.

Alhamdulillah.

Reached Southampton. Without major mishap despite my churning stomach

Consistently trying to suppress my cough throughout the 2 hr ride.

As we were disembarking a lady seated across me smiled.

'Get well soon'

She said. 

Immediately, I felt much better. Emotionally.

As I trudged in the cold drizzle towards a taxi a few steps away from the Coach Stn.

to

Ibis Southampton Centre

9 West Quay Road Western Esplanade, Bargate, Southampton.

and 

To join HR my sister and her daughter HZ who were already in the hotel.

The both of them flew in from Amsterdam earlier in the afternoon.

~`~

Alhamdulillah.

It was a short less than 10 minutes ride in the taxi. Checked in. Lugged my light luggage to the lift. Into the room. Messaged my sister HR that I was in, and bid goodnight. Would see them in the morning, I said.

It has been a long day. I fell asleep in my travel attire.

Ecology and Balance

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Warming up.

After a long break.

Let me start with some food for thought.

"One of my favorite memories of my childhood was my father helping me set up an aquarium. In retrospect, I understand that he was teaching me to think about a community of organisms and their interactions, interdependence, and the issue of keeping them in balance so that it would be a healthy community. That was just at the beginning of our looking at the natural world in terms of ecology and balance. Rather than itemizing what was there, I was learning to look at the relationships and not just separate things" (Mary Catherine Bateson)

(Source: https://www.edge.org/conversation/mary_catherine_bateson-how-to-be-a-systems-thinker?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits)

Food Homeless Scholars Rulers

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Let me share

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf Hanson  in his Syarah (1) describes that our tradition has always been

Free education

Free treatment for the sick

Food for the poor and homeless

Shaykh Hamza describes the Prophet SAW gave food to the homeless daily. Whosoever gave food to him, in turn the Prophet SAW gave it to the homeless and the needy.

 On average the Prophet SAW gave food to about 70 homeless people per day. 

And among these homeless arose scholars and rulers. Examples. Abu Huraira (RA) was the scholar who recorded the Prophet SAW sayings.

Salman Al Farisi (RA) who became the Governor of Persia.

~:~

Thus Feeding the Poor and the Homeless. Daily. Is the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW.

Let's resolve

To give food  daily. At least to one person per day.

~:~

Alhamdulillah.

Reference:

(1) Syarah Tafseer Surah Yaseen Part 3.

~:~

~:~

And

It is also worth pondering our modern tradition on:

Education

 and

Treatment for the sick